Responsive Relationships with Families: What Professional Love Looks Like

Carol Garboden Murray speaks to professional love where families feel admiration, gratitude and connection to educators who love their children deeply.  

Small and responsive moments can significantly affect an educator's relationship with families and their children. I have felt what a triangle of professional love feels like between families, their children and myself as the educator (Page & Elfer, 2013). When families describe you as an extension of their family, share the joyous news of newborn baby guinea pigs, celebrate birthdays, invite you for meals at their homes, and be there with them through times of triumph and struggle are examples of this relationship.

A child in the program went for emergency surgery and was gone from the centre for many weeks. To show this family we cared, putting together a basket came to mind. I bought a stuffed kitten, a copy of the book Guess How Much I Love You, and painted the child a personalized peg doll. The children in the program made cards to show her they were thinking about her. It was compiled into a care package for the child and sent to the hospital. Once the child was back, she often would bring her stuffed kitty into the centre and share, "Guess who I brought?" I felt as if bringing her kitten stuffy into the centre was a gentle message from the child, "You cared about me, and I remember". 

It was Halloween one year, and a child had food sensitivities and preferences. I carefully crafted festive things the child liked so he could feel belonging, care and love. The family shared how nervous they were about Halloween and opening a treat bag filled with candy their child would not eat. With responsive care, this family felt like their son was seen, heard and valued for who he is. On social media, the family wrote: I want to thank the loving people who take the time to make my son feel special. You guys are all amazing and very appreciated.

Showing families that their and their children's voices are heard and honoured sends the message that they matter. The values of care, professional love, and empathy are vital components for the humanity of early childhood education in partnership with the families. Pelo and Carter (2018) ask a profound question: What kind of world do we want to live in? My answer today to this question is one as described above, where we show genuine kindness and appreciation for each other and the relationships we are a part of. 

Murray, C. G. (2022). Professional love: The heart of our work. Exchange, 44(1), 35–37.

Page, J. & Elfer, P. (2013). The emotional complexity of attachment interactions in nursery. European Early Childhood Education Research Journal, 21(4), 553-567.

Pelo, A., & Carter, M. (2018). From teaching to thinking: A pedagogy for reimagining our work. Exchange Press.